forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
