What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
