Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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