You just made me feel so damn special
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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