My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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