We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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