And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
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im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
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Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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