how can u be prego again
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
YAS. BRING CRAB.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
