Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
