K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
its not stalking. its research.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
