I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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