Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
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He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
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Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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