Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
He uses pillows to masturbate.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Randomize