Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
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