You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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