Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
