I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
do nipples grow back?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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