that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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