i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
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having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize