wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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