You smell like stripper and shame
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
