Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
