Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
