I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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