it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize