why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
