did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
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