I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
