I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
