In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
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