i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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