well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
