what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
