someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
she told me i tasted like america
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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