Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
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