Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
