There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
