i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
