how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
