Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
23 People Reveal The Worst Culture Shock They’ve Ever Experienced While Traveling
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.