You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
31 People Admit To Nasty Things They Do On The Reg
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
21 Of The Most Regrettable Tattoo Ideas Ever
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.