The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.