So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.