I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.