she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
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