You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
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I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
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Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter