Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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