Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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