Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
