I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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