I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
did i just pee glitter
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
