is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
