dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Randomize
