where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
