so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
