"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Randomize
