Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
