I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
