Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
50% drunk capacity currently
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
