it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Sorry my hands just texted you
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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