new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
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That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
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You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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