Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
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