wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
