I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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