He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
