My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
ok first of all what the fuck
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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