So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
