my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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