Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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