i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
