Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
