Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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